Hot Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's no secret that when it comes to real estate, your dollar goes further in Harlem. But in this special rental edition of 'Hot Today, Gone Tomorrow' let's have some fun with a few Uptown apartments with Downtown price tags. While the prices might be high for the area, you're still getting much more space than you would elsewhere in the city. Here's a look at what's on the market today:

Pipin' Hot Bagel For Rent: While the pictures might not be much to look at, the pricetag speaks volumes. A two-bedroom, three-bath triplex featuring a screening room/library, state-of-the-art kitchen, fireplace and maid service. Located on Mount Morris Park and 123rd Street. $6,000 a month.

Warm Bagel with Shmeer: A three-bedroom, three-bath triplex with outdoor garden, fireplace, and wine cellar. Located on 127th Street and Fifth Avenue. $5,000 a month.

Nice & Toasty Bagel For Rent: A 3-bedroom, 2-bath apartment with Central Park North views, elevator building, dishwasher and washer/dryer. Located on 110th and Lennox. $4,200 a month.

Fat-Ass Bagel

No matter how much yoga, jogging and Fresh Direct I do, a new study reports that I'm fat and lazy. It seems East Harlem residents have cornered the Manhattan market on obesity.

"We know about one-fifth of all New Yorkers are obese," said Cari Olson, a research scientist at the Bureau of Epidemiology Services. "That is as low as 1 in 10 people on the Upper East Side and as high as 3 in 10 in East Harlem. Those are major disparities and the condition is rising."

And the news gets worse. East Harlem has the highest smoking rate and the highest death rate in the borough--1,084 per 100,000 people.

This report breaks my bagel. I've written about this subject before and while it may not be altogether popular with the locals, we've got a serious problem here.

I'm sick of hearing that if I walk 10 blocks I can find some healthy food to stock in my fridge. There needs to be good, inexpensive, healthful food all over this nabe--it is everywhere else in Manhattan. I recognize that making healthy food easily accesible is but one solution to a much larger problem, but I figure if there is money available to help bring a bowling alley here, why not financial help for small businesses that are good for peoples health?

Upscale, Uptown

The story behind a skin-care and beauty products store in Harlem is the focus of an article in the New York Times business section.

"....Wedged between an H&R Block branch and a pawn shop, the light-filled store stands out on an as-yet- ungentrified stretch of 125th Street, between Fifth Avenue and Malcolm X Boulevard. 'We’re trying our best to provide a Madison Avenue mentality to 125th Street'....."

And the question remains: Does Harlem have any real interest in getting into a Madison Avenue state of mind? Here's the article on Lisa Price and and her cosmetics business, Carol's Daughter.

Chicken Noodle Bagel

The newshounds over at WCBS are at it again! This time they've got their noses to the ground, sniffing out clues to the story behind Harlem's own Chicken Noodle Soup dance—a national phenomena news anchor Roz Abrams says is becoming "as popular as the Macarena."

Say it isn't so!


What's particularly fascinating about this news package isn't the honky reporter's numerous attempts at doing the dance, but rather her how-to guide—complete with big red arrows— to guide the whiteys' arms and legs for proper soup execution. Click here to view the video.

Emmy anyone?

Mashed Bagel

Things moved at a slower pace growing up in Indiana, and Colonel Sanders taught me a thing or two about savoring the finer things in life. When that bucket o’ fried wonder presented itself on my family’s kitchen table, I learned to pace myself as I made my way from biscuit to cole slaw to chicken then back again.

Now that I live in busy New York City, it seems fitting that KFC has gotten up to speed. Why spend the time moving your fork from one side of the plate to the other? Rejoice the seconds you’ll save by having your fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn and cheese all lopped together in one bowl!
This is either genius or the most atrocious concoction ever assembled by the fast food industry. You be the judge. While you're checking out the "layers of flavor" bowl, be sure to sign the petition to get Colonel Sanders his own postage stamp.

Bagel Stank

Local TV news is the best. Where else can you get a minute and 30 seconds of air-time devoted to stanky bagel?

Today's WCBS newsflash revolves around a Harlem subway station smelling like rotten fish.

The wait for the A, C and D train on the uptown platform at the West 125th Street subway station has been a challenge to the olfactory senses for several weeks.... The smell has gotten so bad many riders have to hold their noses while waiting for the train.

I'm holding my breath for more hard-hitting news stories like this one. Will noseplugs be the next big thing in Harlem? Will the whiff waft away? Stay tuned...

Spooky Bagel

With Halloween right around the corner, it's time to start thinking about creating the perfect outfit—which, for me, entails going online to purchase a bagel costume. Unfortunately, it seems buying one for my body is as tough as finding one to eat in East Harlem. The pickins' are slim.

The closest thing I found to bagel gear online is this donut costume:
What is up with his hat? And why is he making that face?

Next, we have Wonder Bread Man:
A food item certainly easier to find in Harlem than a bagel, but come on. You can't be serious with this.

Next up, the deviled egg:
This man scares me. Seriously. He looks posessed. And what's he doing touching his stomach with his leg raised? BOO to you is right!

Here's my favorite: Bundle O' Broccoli
This costume is awesome and the red sash around the waist is not only slimming, but has style star written all over it.

Adverffiti

This "graffiti" on the corner of 126th Street and Lexington Avenue caught my eye over the weekend. I was impressed with the guy's duds and the ATM machine is just rockin'. But upon closer inspection, I realized it was an advertisement for Washington Mutual.

After researching the adverffiti online, I discovered that it is part of a Hispanic advertising campaign that the bank recently launched to resonate with Spanish-speaking residents. It appears that the ATM is eating fly-boy's money, and the ad asks "is this how you feel when you're using an ATM?"

I'd have to say no, unless the ATM was chomping down my bagel in which case I hope my WTF? look was as fabulous as this guy's. Still, I'm curious if these ads are actually resonating with consumers or just reinforcing stereotypes...

Breaking—More Groundbreaking?

We all love a good groundbreaking, and here in Harlem there's news that the neighborhood might just hit the groundbreaking jackpot—breaking ground over already broken ground! Awesome.

You'll recall the groundbreaking on 125th Street and Park Avenue for the Harlem Park project back in February of 2005. With those plans now scrapped, the folks at Curbed have sniffed out the details of another groundbreaking set to take place at that very spot in May of 2007.


Feast your eyes on the new design for the office/retail tower of Harlem Park. Vorando Realty is building it, but it's unclear who the architect is. Curbed is reporting it would be the tallest building in the neighborhood, with approximately 22 stories.

I can't really make heads or tails of it, but I think it has potential to look more interesting than the original design. Will this plan be the one that actually gets built? ...If at first your groundbreaking doesn't succeed, try, try again.

Hot Today, Gone Tomorrow

If you're curious about what's on the market today or if you're just looking for something to do this weekend, why not dabble in one of my favorite pastimes? Here are a few of the Open Houses taking place this weekend in Harlem.

Pipin' Hot Bagel For Sale: A two-bedroom, two and a half bath loft with 24' vaulted terra cotta tile ceilings, bamboo floors, remote controlled gas burning fireplace and a south-facing balcony. Located on West 124th Street between Lenox and Adam Clayton. Asking $1.85 Million. Open house this Sunday at 2:30.

Warm Bagel with Shmeer: A two-bedroom, two-bath with south and east exposures, pass-through kitchen and washer/dryer. Located on East 118th Street between Second and Third Avenues. Asking 643K. Open House this Saturday at 11 and Sunday at noon.

Nice & Toasty Bagel For Sale: 1,600 Square foot classic 6 in Prewar building, six blocks from Central Park, with decorative fireplace and french doors. "Needs TLC". Located on Seventh Avenue and 117th Street. Asking: $460K. No financing/cash only. Open House this Sunday at 12:30.

Buying Up

A sweatshirt for $220. An apartment for well over $2 million. Welcome to Harlem?

An upscale neighborhood boutique where a suit starts at $1,000 is at the center of a New York Times story that not only looks at who's buying these high-ticket items (answer is: Whites and Blacks) but examines the notion that African-American culture is at an economic crossroads.

Tennis, Anyone?

I was never much good at tennis. My backhand was weak and more often than not my ball went way out of bounds. But my stinky game didn't keep me off the court because no matter how much I sucked, I knew I had the golden rule of tennis down pat:

Skort plus tretorn = suh-weet look.

The skort is just pure genius. You get all the girly benefits of wearing a skirt (it swooshes) with the added protection of shorts (for when it swooshes too high). Couple that skort with a pair of tretorns and you've just spread some cream cheesey goodness on your bagel.

Now, thanks to the reopening of the Harlem Tennis Center, we'll be seeing a whole lot more of this ensemble Uptown. Located at the armory on 142nd street between Lenox and Fifth Avenues, the new center is scheduled to open on October 15. The New York Sun reports that "it's the best thing to happen to tennis in New York City in more than a decade."