Bagel Love

My relationship with Harlem has love affair written all over it. When it's good, I'm high as a kite. I've got a skip in my step as I cross each neighborhood block, eagerly anticipating what the day will bring. There are little surprises, inside jokes, mysteries to unfold and a deep well of stories that I have only begun to mine. I feel excited, fortunate and mostly... inspired.

But when it's bad, I can't breathe—like the neighborhood is suffocating me. These are dark days when I have trouble letting the annoyances here roll off me; days that I am angry about all the trash on the sidewalks, upset by the incessant cursing I hear on the streets and the late-night stream of men proposing hot bagel love as I make my way home from the subway.

In the journalism graduate school program I attended in Chicago, I was trained to not only get both sides of a story, but to get as many sides as possible. I recognize that this is simply a blog, but I feel obligated to crawl out of my skin and provide, however small, some amount of objectivity in my posts. Lately, however, that has proved difficult, as my bagel is a bit broken.

I suppose what I'm feeling is nothing new to New Yorkers, and certainly isn't confined to my neck of the woods uptown. It's a tough city no matter where you live.

My love affair with Harlem is up and down; it ebbs and flows and veers off track. Only time will tell if we're a good match. But for now, it's a ride I will continue to take—with caution and optimism.

Arriving Next...

What do you get when 48 buildings between East 100th and East 122nd Street are being sold for approximately $250 million dollars? The obligatory soundbite stating that "East Harlem is THE next place," of course. Read about the upcoming sale here.

Still, the nabe has yet to arrive. This week's CityLimits looks at our very own La Marqueta, "the least patronized municipal market in the city."

The Sketch Factor

This week's New York magazine examines all things real estate, with a handful of stories focusing on our most beloved obsession. From a feature on new rules for buyers and sellers to a list of smart investing habits, there's a little piece of real estate goodness for everyone.

My little nugget revolves around the "Harlem sketch factor." In a neighborhood-by-neighborhood breakdown, the piece points to the highest recorded sale in the nabe as now $3.8 million, up from $2.6 million a year ago but then goes on to say that:

"The danger here is an oversupply of new construction—much of it, like the Nina on East 117th and the Ivy on Second Avenue, in still-sketchy East Harlem."

I looked at the definition of sketchy and found:

Adj. 1. sketchy - giving only major points; lacking completeness; "a sketchy account"; "details of the plan remain sketchy"

Sure, the neighborhood might be lacking in bagels, but there's a Home Depot and a Target in the works... Hmm. Exactly the problem, perhaps? Are these really the retailers that are going to turn Harlem around and make the area less sketch and more "complete?"

No Floorplan For You!

First the soup. Then the bagel. Now the floorplan?

Yeesh. It's tough getting the goods Uptown.

I was told that floorplans for the new Rhapsody on Fifth would be available this week, but when I stopped by the sales office I was informed that I would need to sit down for a 15-minute sales pitch in order to obtain it.

"But I'm tight on time," I pleaded with the woman, thoughts of a mid-afternoon nap swirling in my head. "Can't you just give it to me?"

"We don't do that here," she replied.

I tried reasoning with her. Other new developments offer floorplans online, I explained. Or, more to the point, will hand the floorplan over without holding a person hostage...(I thought to myself.) No luck. And no floorplan for me.

I guess that's how the bagel rolls. I'll suck it up and sit for the pitch when I'm better rested. For now, if you've got 15 minutes to spend on 125th Street and Fifth Avenue, you've got yourself a floorplan.

Paid Out of Poverty?

Giving cash rewards to poor New Yorkers is an idea that's being supported by a prominent Harlem spokesperson. Geoffrey Canada of the Harlem Children's Zone is backing Mayor Michael Bloomberg's suggestion to supply a cash reward to the 1.5 million New Yorkers who take action in breaking the cycle of poverty.

Essentially, those who make the "healthy" choice to do such things as stay in school and regularly see the doctor will be given money. It's an idea that has been successful in countries including Brazil and Mexico, but how would it translate here? Click here for more on the story.

Rhapsody Redux

More joy on the Rhapsody beat! The new sales office for the Rhapsody on Fifth is now open (complete with security guard at door) and details on the condominium conversion are beginning to come out.

There will be 22 units in the old church--two to four per floor. Occupancy is expected in about 12-14 months. So far, none of the apartments on Fifth Avenue and 127th Street have sold, but the sales director said they have "hundreds of phone calls to make" to prospective buyers.

Hmm.

The condominiums will run from $420,000 (for a studio) up to $1.5 million (for a 2-bedroom penthouse). Floorplans expected this week. Will post shortly.

Click here for Bagel Back-Story on the Rhapsody.

Post-Grope Bagel

My master bagel plan could use a little tweaking. Nearly 36 hours after creating a post on Craigslist, my bagel dream is far from realized.

Thus far, there's been no serious interest in opening a grope-free bagel shop in East Harlem, although Meltron did say that he and his wife have discussed doing just that and Harlem Blogger extraordinaire Joe Schumacher revealed knowing a little something about baking bagels and said that it might be time to dig out the recipe.

Um, yeah.

Here are a couple of the other emails that I've received:

"I just bought a bag of six bagels for 99 cents in a 'grocery store' on Brook Avenue and 145th street in the south Bronx. The hole was about 2 inches in diameter. These were the skinniest bagels I ever saw!"

"The urge for a bagel (and a beer, but that's a different business) never strikes me harder than when I'm waiting for my laundry at the laundromat. Someone should open a bagel store in a laundromat."

Dirty bagel no more! I'll keep you posted....

Back Off My Bagel!

I've never been groped in a bagel shop before, but until today I had never been in an East Harlem bagel shop. But now I've had both. A good bagel. And a good groping.

A Harlemite tipped me off to a bagel place that is a solid 15-minute walk from my apartment. It's on 119th and First Avenue, and is aptly named "Bagel Plus." I was beaming when I saw the sign outside, but when I got inside the store my optimism quickly faded. The owner behind the counter was surly at best. He answered my questions with grunts. In business 15 years. Makes and sells two kind of bagels (plain and cinnamon). Will run me 40 cents each (one-dollar with cream cheese).

While I stood at the counter deciphering his responses, I felt fingers moving up and down my behind. I spun around and found a man ogling my ass. "Get the hell off me," I said to a haggard-looking 50-something man.

"You're pretty," he said staring into my eyes, his hands coming in for a second go-round.

I thought about reasoning with this guy for about a half second and decided my best course of action was to grab my bagel and leave. Immediately. So I did, understanding all too well what the "plus" in the East Harlem bagel shop was all about.

I called my bagel tipster friend and told him what had happened.

"That's how they roll here," he said laughing. I was only mildly amused.

My dough with a hole has been tainted and I'm feeling even more desperate for a fresh (read: clean) Harlem bagel than ever before. But this is not how my bagel is going to roll, dammit. In my time of need I'm turning to Craig to see if his folks can help me out. Click here for the master bagel plan...

Pissy Bagel

While the hotties might be coming to Harlem, the hipsters are not. And although there's talk of East Harlem becoming the next hot nabe, it's "not exactly on fire yet." This, according to an in-depth look at the neighborhood in this weekend's New York Times. Reporter Claire Wilson writes:

"East Harlem will be more desirable to live in once the retail and restaurant scene starts to catch up with residential development and the tastes of an ethnically and economically diverse population."

Is that going to happen?

Plans for the Marriott Hotel on 125th Street and Park Avenue have been scrapped and, more than a year after moving here, I continue to search for a fresh bagel within a 10-block radius of my apartment. Restaurants, services, amenities? I keep hearing the talk, but every day I'm the one walking the walk--right out of Harlem, to spend my money in other neighborhoods where I can buy the goods that I want.

The Jewish guilt over all this is killing me. So are my feet. Do I really need grapefruits and goat cheese? Probably not. After all, the canned fruit and the American cheese at Pathmark isn't all that bad, right? It's just that if you compare prices, the jarred stuff is as expensive (if not more) as the fresh stuff so I'm at a bit confused as to why I have to travel south to avoid using a can opener on my fruit...

That's it. Pissy bagel no more. Griping over grapefruit is so last year. For today, at least, I'll put my walking shoes on and do my best to stay in the neighborhood.